Hunger Games Parody
by jenna2468
Summary: Read at your own risk!
1. Chapter 1

Hunger Games Parody!

Katniss' POV

I wake up and try to find Prim's warmth. Where the heck is that girl? She probably got scared and climbed in with my mother, of course she did, I haven't bathed in weeks!

Ow! Something bit me! I turn to see Buttercup, Prim's cat, latched onto my arm. "You stupid cat!" I say. I chuck him at the wall where he blows up. "That's what you get!" I yell at him. Any way today is the day of the Reaping and everyone has off work, and I don't have school. So I slip on my hunting boots and get up. But I have neglected to tie them so I trip and fall. Prim gets out of bed and punches me in the face. "Shut up I'm trying to sleep!" she yells at me. I push her down and stab her in the foot with my arrow. "Leave me alone turd!" I yell back. She curses at me and walks back to bed.

Once I have tied my boots properly I head out side to the fence that surrounds District 12. I'm still dizzy from being punched so I forget to check if the fence is electrified today. I run straight into it and get fried like a piece of fish on a skillet. I kick the fence because it deserved it and then crawled under the chain link that is loose. Now I'm in the woods and I retrieve my bow and arrows from a hollow log. An angry skunk decides it would be a good idea to spray me, he didn't live long after that.

Once I make it to the big rock I find Gale there beating up a squirrel. "You stupid Squirrel why'd you steal my bread!" he sais. By the time I make it over to him the squirrel is unresponsive. "Hey Catnip, you smell really bad!" he said picking up his bow and arrows to shoot me. I dodge the arrow, "Oh Gale you're so funny!" I say and sit down. "Someday Gale, someday," he mutters. We sit there in silence…a really long time….it was really boring! So finally I just get up and leave. He chucks a black berry at my head and then left too. By the time I get home my mom is already dressed in her usual goth outfit. After my father blew up she decided to dress like this for some reason. Prim is wearing something way too big for her. "Tuck your tale in little duck!" I say. She turns around and slaps me, "shut up I'm not a duck!" she sais.

Now it's time to go to the Reaping where they will select one boy and one girl between the ages of 12 to 18 along with the other 11 Districts to go to the Capitol and fight to the death in The Hunger Games. Only one out of the 24 kids can win which I guess you know means that the other 23 die. Well, they kill each other… and it's on TV….. fun. Anyway when we get there I say adios to Prim and she walks away and like falls or something and like starts crying and I laugh. I walk over to my section for the 15 year olds. I start to get bored so I start hitting people with my long black braid. Finally That freakin weird lady Effie Trinket goes on stage, and she's all like, "hey guys and girls! What's up! Ok Ladies first!" she walks over to this weird bowl with the girl's names in it and pulls out the first name. "Prim Everdeen!" She sais. I start laughing as Prim walks on stage. "Ha ha! No one to save you now Prim!" I yell. "Uhh ohh! I read the paper wrong! It really sais Katniss Everdeen!" she sais. I sigh. "Oh, well this District sucks any way," I say. Prim trips me on the way up the steps so I shoot her with another arrow in the foot. So then Effie picks the boy's name which is this little baker boy named Peeta or something. I thought he was mental but I guess not :/. So then Effie is all like," I give you the new tributes of the 74th Hunger games!" To be continued!


	2. Part 2

Hunger Games Parody Part: 2

The crowd stares at us sorrowfully and raise their three fingers, kiss them, and point them at me. What the heck are they doing I just shot my sister in the foot! Idiots! So then the freakin Peacekeepers came and start pushing us towards the Justice Building. I turn around and try to punch one of them but then the tazered me and no more escape attempts after that. They throw me in a room with plush couches and fine carpets and such. "What the heck is all this for? Gosh I hate this stupid District!" I mutter to myself. 5 minutes pass and still no one is man enough to come in! I decide it would be a smart idea to take a little tour of the room. I search through the drawers of a table and find a jar of ink. Yes! I start running around the room splattering paint everywhere. Then I get a better idea! I dip my braid in the ink and thrust my head about singing, "I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP ME HAIR BACK AND FORTH!" I'm pretty entertained so I don't notice it when Gale steps in. I drop of ink hits his eye and he falls to the ground. "Gale you ruined it!" I yell at him. I jump on him and start punching him. "Katniss you freak get off me!" he says. I finally stop when he becomes unresponsive.

The Peacekeepers came in and dragged his body away. "Bye Gale! I'll miss you!" I call after him. I'm pretty tired so I sit on the soft couch splattered with black ink. Next my mother and Prim walk in. Prim decides it would be a good idea to run up and pinch me so I punch her in the face. My mom just sits there all gothic and stuff. She examines the walls that are now covered with black ink that I had splattered with my braid. "I like what you've done with the place," she says (ha! I finally spelled it right!) I stare at her. "Ya know what mom! I don't like you! You're a bad person!" she smiles, what a freak! Prim runs up to me, "Are you gonna die?" she asks. I stand up and push her down. "YES!" I say. She coughs up some blood. "Thank Buddha!" she muttered. I spin around and punch her repeatedly, "Shut up Turdalina!" Finally the Peacekeepers came in and dragged both my mother and Prim out. Finally alone!

But knowing my good luck the loneliness doesn't last long. In walks Madge that ugly blond girl from town. "What do you want Madge!" I say throwing a book weight at her face. It hits her in the mouth and I'm pretty sure she lost a tooth. "Oh hey Katniss what are you doing here?" she asks. We stare at each other for a long time. "What?" I finally say. "I thought this was the bathroom," she Sais looking around confused. "You are the stupidest person I have ever met!" I say. She looks at me closely, "So why are you here?" she asks with a serial killer smile. "Ummm well I was kind of chosen to go to The Hunger Games…weren't you at the Reaping?" I ask. "There was a Reaping today? Oh, that explains why I was the only one at school." She says. I take in a deep breath, "Well this isn't the bathroom even though it smells like one so just leave!" I shout at her. "Ok, hey do you want a gold Mockingjay pin? I kind of got stabbed with it yesterday so I don't want it any more," she tosses it at me then walks out of the room. I put the pin on because I got nothing to lose so like what the heck.

Next we are loaded onto the train that shall take us to the Capitol. The crowd swarms us and the cameras are there. Angelina Jolie steps out of the train door. "Oh yuck Paparazzi! They follow me every where!" she takes a step onto the train plat form. I shoot an arrow at her and she falls down the steps. I'm almost positive she's dead. Now starts our epic travel to The Capitol.

To be Continued.


	3. Chapter 3

Hunger Games Parody Part 3

Wow this train is fancy dog! I can't help but running up and jumping on the first couch I see. "Don't you have couches at home?" asked Peeta. I hop down and get about two inches from his face, "No." Then I run to the window and stick my head out. "Hey District 12! I'm goin to da Capitol baby!" I shout at the puzzled faces bellow. A paramedic squad is trying to revive Angelina Jolie but I know it's pointless because I shot her in the face. "Why'd you have to shoot her?" asked Peeta. I turn to him, "What? You've never shot someone with a bow and arrow before?" he stares at me, "um….no, I can't say I have." All the sudden the train starts to move. I decide to go take a shower because well I'm still covered in toxic ink and it's starting to burn my skin. I jump in the shower and hop around because I feel like it! But I forgot that the floor was wet so I slipped and fell…it hurt!

I wrapped myself up in a towel and went into the dining car for dinner. Everyone stops and stares at me when I come in, what they've never seen someone in a bath towel before? My gosh! Effie Trinket drops her wine class and the red stuff splatters on the floor. Our drunk mentor Haymitch jumps off his stool and starts licking the alcohol off the floor. "Deer, what are you wearing?" asks Effie. I stare at her.  
"What? Do you find this distracting?" I strike a pose. Effie fell out of her chair and fainted on the floor."For a priss of the Capitol she sure aint used to exposure!" I say. I sprint over to where Peeta is eating and push him out of his chair. "I wanted to sit there!" I shout at him. "Please don't hurt me! I didn't know I swear!" he pleads. I punch him in the face, "You watch your mouth," I say and climb into his seat. He drags himself up onto the seat next to me. "So um what's your favorite color?" asked Peeta smiling at me. "Red cause it's the color of death!" I shout at him then start rolling on the floor laughing. Peeta stared at me. "Well, um….my favorite color is sunset orange, cause it's um peaceful," he said trying to talk over my laughter. I stop and prop myself up on one elbow, "That….is…..so….STUPID!" I start laughing again and Haymitch gives me a fist pump.

Next this Avox guy comes in and serves us hot chocolate. I look at the brown liquid, "What the heck is this?" I ask him. He starts moving his hands up and down. "What is this charades?" I say. "Katniss, he's an Avox he can't talk," says Peeta. "Shut up Peeta who asked you?" I say and push him out of his chair again. "Ha ha you can't talk!" I say and poor my hot chocolate all over the Avox. He runs out of the diner car screaming. Haymitch pulls himself up onto the table, "I, I like you kid!" he said barely conscious. "Thanks I guess," I say. "I want you to win!" said Haymitch. "Hey!" said Peeta. "What? You're a boring goody goody!" shouted Haymitch, then he passed out. Peeta started crying and ran out of the car. What a girl! I then decide to go watch the recap of today's Reapings in the other Districts.

Districts 1 and 2 obvious Careers. But that girl Glimmer, well may I just say she was smokin! She was totally my type! Any who I kind of liked that girl from 5 because her name was Fox face! I know there has been a whole debate of what her name really is but I really do think her name is Fox face…..it means of the fox in Native American! And then that girl Rue from 11 OMG she was soooooo cute! She reminds me of Prim except I don't think I'd shoot her in the foot with an arrow…and then they showed me shoot Angelina Jolie in the face….then I went to bed. What waits for me in the Capitol?

To be Continued!


	4. Hunger Games parody part 4

Hunger Games Parody Part 4

The night is terrible on this is freakin train! All I can hear is Peeta sobbing in the car across the hall! Finally I sit up and yell, "Shut up Peeta or you might not make it to the Capitol!" I wait a few seconds and then hear, "Your mom!" I roll my eyes. Is that seriously the best come back he can come up with! I burry my head under ten pillows to try and block out his moans of annoyance. I decide it's time to take evasive action! I pull out the knife I always keep hidden in my shoe and sneak out of bed. I find a random ninja suit in the closet so to make myself feel cooler I put that on too. I creep out of my room and slide down the hall. I find Haymitch curled up in a ball on the ground. "Haymitch? What the crap are you doing out here?" I ask. He stares at me cross eyed. "Uhhhhhh forget you!" I say and stab him in the foot. I finally find the door to Peeta's room. I open the door slowly. I see that he has brought his night light. "Ha! You are such a baby! You still sleep with a night light!" I start running around his room acting all ninja-ish laughing hysterically. Peeta looks at me from under the covers, "Katniss, you are really starting to scare me," he whispers. I jump up on the bed and hold the knife to his face, "Stop crying or you won't have to be scared any more little turd pudding boy." He stares at me for a while, "What is turd pudding?" he asks. I slap him in the face and run out of the room screaming. That should keep him quiet!

Finally morning comes! I decide since I have already worn a towel and a ninja suit that today I'd have to wear something even more crazy! I wrap myself up in the curtains and sprint out into the dining hall once more. Effie's mouth drops. I start laughing, "Oh Effie why you so obsessed with me?" She stares at me blankly then walks out of the car. I twist my head menacingly in Peeta's direction. His face turns white, "Katniss….are you going to hurt me again?" There is a long moment of silence. Finally I answer, "YES!" I leap onto the chair and start punching him. Haymitch comes over and thrusts me onto the floor. "Save it for the Games! Believe me I can't wait to see this piece of mustard get killed!" he says. I look over his shoulder where Peeta is rocking back and forth in the corner. Then I punch Haymitch in the face and run back to my room. I hear something purring. I look in my pocket and find Buttercup in it. "Buttercup! You freakin cat, what ar_e you doing here?" _ Buttercup leaps out of my pocket into my arms. I stare at him…for a really long time. Then I throw him at the wall and he blows up again. I start laughing really hard and I accidently cough up an organ!

I hear a knock at the door. I open it to find Peeta smiling at me. "What?" I ask. He giggles like a girl, "To see your pretty face." I throw the organ at him. "Ewwwww! What is this?" he cries. "You want my heart well there it is!" I say and start laughing really hard again. Then I slam the door in his face. It's about another hour before we finally reach the Capitol. I'm forced at gun point to wear something normal. I look out the window and see tall sky scrapers towering above me. I see many ugly people chanting as we go by. I decide to have some fun with this. I find about six pairs of shoes in the closet so I bring them to the window. I would chuck a shoe at every other person I saw. One shoe it a child and I started laughing. Well, if I only have a few days left may as well make the most of them

Authors note: Hay guys! Please review because it makes me happy! Sorry if Peeta's a bit too girly for ya haha!


	5. Hunger Games Parody Part 5

Hunger Games Parody Part 5

The train finally halts to a stop. Peeta was stupid and didn't hold onto anything and flew out the window. I threw a shoe at him too. I being the "Smart one" take the stairs. Effie follows me and a team of Avoxes drag Haymitch behind them. I look around at the buildings that tower over me. "Wow! Thank Michael Jackson I don't live here!" Peeta crawls up next to me, "Hey Katniss I found your shoe, it hit me in the head when I was on the ground!" he says. I roll my eyes, "Thanks smart one but I prefer to go bare foot." He laughs, "Oh Katniss, you slay my dragon!" I stomp on his hand and walk away.

We are then taken to this particularly shiny building that is to be our final home for twenty-three of us. The light hurts my eyes so I chuck a gold shoe at it. Everyone is silent for about five seconds, then simultaneously every window in the building shatter into a million pieces. Shards of glass rain down on the flood of people that have come to see us. I take out a silver tray and hold it over my head and watch as glass wipes out about half the people in the vicinity of the sky scraper. Unfortunately Peeta survived as well as Effie and Haymitch. But for the most part everyone around me is dead. I smile, "So, where to now?" Effie pulls a shard out of her arm, "Oh, don't fret. There's a spare training center over there!" We turn around to see an identical building to our right. I sigh, "Whatever, next time I'll just use Peeta as a shield." Peeta giggles, "You're so cute when you threaten my life!" I punch him in the face.

I step onto the glass floor of the elevator, Peeta stands next to me. I'm about to push him off the side but we reach our floor too soon for me to do it discreetly. Me and Peeta are finally separated Thank Justin Beiber! I'm taken into a room and forced to stand on a circular stand where I'm forced to where a towel. Been there done that! I'm alone again, and by now you would think they'd know not to leave me alone! I jump down from the stand and start snooping around once more. I find a closet with tons of robes in it. I have an idea! I tie all of the robes together and make a long rope. I open the window and climb onto the lip of the window sill. I climb up a few stories and tie the top of the rope to a balcony railing. I then tie the bottom of the rope around my waist and make a harness. I stand on the outside of the railing, "Hey Capitol wach this!" Everyone down bellow starts shrieking. I then leap off the railing and begin a steady plummet to the ground. Finally the rope reaches its length and I sore back up into the air. Some freak down bellow decides it would be a good idea to try and shoot me so I chuck a shoe at him and he dies instantly.

Finally I just dangle in front of the window I climbed out of. I hear the door open from inside, "Katniss? It's me your designer." I spin myself around. "I aint got no designer!" I shout at the voice. A strange man walks up to the window. "My gosh you are a handful aren't you!" he says examining my current situation. I squint at him, "So what am I gonna wear for the Chariot ride? Make sure it's not the same as Peeta's because boy I do not wanna give him any excuse to talk to me!" I say swaying back and forth. "Why don't you come in here and I'll show you," he says. "I aint goin no where! You can come to me!" I shout at him. "Well if you haven't notice, if I came to you I would die," he says. We stare at each other for a while. "Well Ok!" he says and climbs out the window. "By the way my name's ," he then fell to his death. I smirk, "I'm gonna wear what I want to wear to the Chariots! Look out world here comes Katniss Everdeen!" To be Continued!


	6. Hunger Games Parody Part 6

Hunger Games Parody Part 6

I untie myself and slip back into the window. I look bellow me where I can see Cinna's lifeless body splattered on the ground…..cool . I see that the dress that I'm supposed to wear is sprawled over the couch. I unzip the cover and find a black jump suit. I try to set it on fire but only the crown and cape catch the flame. I smile amused, "Well, well, well the girl on fire! How ever did they come up with that one? Of course I will need to make a few modifications." I pick up the dress and drop it out the window. I snicker, "I think Cinna's ready for his cremation!" Cinna's body bursts into flames. I turn back around and face my room. I scan it for something wearable that I haven't destroyed. Then I have an idea!

LATER ON BELLOW THE TRAINING CENTER: I arrive at the place where everyone is getting on their chariots. As soon as the elevator doors open everyone's mouth dropped. I step out, "What? There was simply nothing to wear so why wear anything at all?" I say. I skip up to the chariot marked 12. Peeta is dressed in the same black jump suit Cinna had designed. He stares at me, "Wow um did Cinna tell you to wear this?" he asks. "No….but Cinna's not with us anymore." I stare at him blankly. "Has anyone ever told you to take an Aspirin…..or any kind of medication?" he asks. "Yes….but they have all since deceased." I then hop on the chariot with him. Portia, Peeta's designer, runs up to us. "Oh no, this is a disaster! Where is Cinna? What have you done!" she cried. I leap off the chariot and knock her to the ground. I then strangle her to death. A team of Avoxes drag her body away. "Katniss you murdered both of our Designers!" Peeta says. "Well technically I only influenced Cinna's death," I say sharpening my nails. Finally the gates open and the chariots start riding out.

I feel the bright lights hit my face and the warm breeze hit my bare body. The crowd falls silent when they see my amazing invisible costume. "Oh Katniss I forgot to tell you! Portia, rest in peace, told me that we should hold hands," Peeta says. I turn to him, "If you touch me you will be decapitated," I say glaring at him. "Oooo you're playing hard to get aren't you!" he says. I growl and tackle him out of the chariot and on to the ground. I stand up and kick him over and over again. I'm about to deliver the final blow but security pulled me away. The crowd is chanting now, "Finish him! Finish him!" I wave to the crowd, "Oh believe me I will!" I shout back. Peeta regains his feet, "Bye Katniss I'll see you soon!" he waves to me. I throw a dagger at his head but since the Avoxes are pulling me back it misses its original target and sinks into his leg. I can't see what happens after that because they pull a black bag over my head. I wake up in a room which I assume is to be mine for the remainder of my life. I look down and realize that I'm now wearing clothes. "Who in their right mind thinks they have the right to make me wear clothes?" I mutter to myself. There's a note on an elegant table. It says, "Katniss, welcome to your courters. I hope you find the accommodations to your liking. Even though your little attack on a fellow tribute was uncalled for, the ratings have gone through the roof. The Game Makers have decided to spare your life due to your….exciting benefits to this year's Games. Be ready at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow for training. All public offensives are now wiped clean." I stare at the paper. "Wow I'm hungry!" I shove the paper into my mouth. "Mmmmmm! Nothing like natural fiber!" I say. Then I lay down on the bed and fall asleep. Tomorrow is going to be interesting.

To be continued!


	7. Hunger Games Parody Part 7

Hunger Games Parody Part 7

I wake up super excited for the day, because now I get to show what I got! I hop out of bed and run around screaming! I can hear people shouting for me to shut up and I know that it's the other tributes. "Oh yea! Well I guarantee you this is the last voice you fuzz bags are ever gonna hear!" I shout back at them. And that's when I realize it, those aren't the voices of my fellow tributes! Those are the voices inside my head…oh well it was bound to happen sometime. I see that Effie has laid out some practical clothes for me, but if she has learned anything since the time she has spent with me, which I doubt she has, she should know that I aint wearing no practical attire! I bundle the clothes up in a ball and tie it with a strand of hair to make it freaky. I run out the door in my thigh length nightgown, my hair a mess, and my teeth most certainly unbrushed. Effie sees me in the hall, I stop and stare at her. It only takes her a second to realize that my motives weren't in the least bit normal. She tries to turn and run but luckily I had set up a snare so she was instantly trapped. "Katniss, now I know you aren't going to do anything rash," she starts. "Oh please Effie my actions are far past rash. Now you listen here! If I ever catch you trying to make me wear clean, appropriate, or nice clothing, I promise you that a snare will be the least of your problems," I say calmly. I toss the bundle of clothes at her. "My gumdrop is this your hair?" she gasps. I turn my head slightly over my shoulder, "Of course."

I then hop in the elevator and ride down to the training facilities, which is just fancy for the word "gym". No one is surprised that I've worn something outrageous but the fact that I look like I've just been in five Hunger Games is what frightens them. Of course Peeta walks up to me wearing an outfit similar to what Effie had laid out for me. "Hey Katniss, nice threads," he says. "Seriously Peeta? Threads really? What are you from the 80s or something?" I say annoyed. "Well I was born in the year 2435 but you're close," he replies. We stare at each other for a really long time. Then I just kick him in the shin. He falls to the ground clutching his leg. "Um Katniss, I don't mean to be a burden, but I do believe you've shattered my Fibula bone," he says. I kneel down next to him and get really close to his ear, "oh really did I? well….I'M ABOUT TO BREAK YOUR HEAD!" I shout. I'm about to smash his skull but the boy named Cato from District 2 jumps in between us. "Stop Katniss! I wanted to kill him in the arena!" he shouts. We stand up and size each other up. "What you wanna go boy huh you wanna go!" I say acting like a gangsta. "Girl let's take this outside!" he yells back. The rest of the tributes join in. "Hey I want to kill Peeta!" says one. "No I do!" cried another. Finally everyone breaks out into a fist fight.

I'm mixing it up with the girl from 9 while I can see Rue from 11 is beating up Clove from 2. Man that girl can fight! Maybe she is more like Prim than I thought! Finally the Peacekeepers break us apart. "Yo dogs! Save it for the arena! Wow this is gonna be an interesting year!" says the head one. I get up in his face too but once I see that tazer I'm done. Finally they release us to the various stations that occupy the arena. I fidget around with a bow. I'm about to shoot Peeta while he's tying a not, but once again I'm interrupted. The Careers are behind me, Clove and Cato from 2 (the leaders), Glimmer and Marvel from 1, and the two freaks from 4. "Hey we saw you fight!" says Clove. "Yea, so what man-lady!" I spit back at her. She's about to punch me but Cato grabs her fist, "We want you to join us!" he says. I look at his face, and then at his legs, and before he can stop me I kick him in the shin too. They march away angrily. To be Continued!

Authors note: Thanx for all your reviews guys they really make my day! And thanx to my avid readers who comment on every chapter it means a lot! Luv ya!


	8. Chapter 8

The Hunger Games Parody Part 8

The next few days in training are pretty much a waste on my part due to my ever burning efforts to assassinate Peeta. But as you may have guessed someone always gets in my way. On the day that we show our talents to the Game Makers I'm pretty much in a frustration coma! I decide that since I've worn my night gown the past three days that it was time for a change. I ditch the closet because that's where I hid the body that you guys don't know about…..forget I told you that. I go into the bathroom and scan it for something somewhat wearable. I start laughing and run over to the toilet and wrap myself up in toilet paper from mid thigh up to my neck. I find some red lipstick and smudge it all over my skin. I then sprint to the elevator hoping that Peeta's in it so I can finally end this. But when I get there all I find is a big lump of Haymitch. "Sup," he grumbles. I sigh as the elevator doors close, "Hey Haymitch. I was hoping to find Peeta, and well….kill him. But I guess I'm stuck with you!" I say leaning against the elevator glass window. Haymitch stares at me, "Nice threads," he says. "Oh no, not you too!" I say. "What? Peeta said it was cool to say that," replies Haymitch. We stare at each other for a really long time. Then I grab Haymitch's head and slam it through the window. He's unconscious so I dump the rest of him out of the now shattered window. Unfortunately he lands on a convenient beanbag chair so he survives, but just barely.

I hop out of the elevator and run into the waiting room for the tributes before their turn comes. All of the tributes are there and dressed presentably for the occasion. They stare at me, "You're not going to hurt us right?" asks the girl from 8. I twist only my head in her direction, "Not yet…..but yes eventually." The girl gulps. I walk up to the couch where the Careers are sitting. I completely ignore them and lay right on top of them. "Katniss! What are you doing?" shrieks Glimmer. I stretch my arms over her, "I'm sleeping," I say. "Well get off before I slug you!" screams Clove. I'll get up when you decide which gender you enjoy most," I reply calmly. "Hey don't talk to my girlfriend that way!" shouts Cato. "Oh thank gosh it's a girl! I thought you were gay," I say twisting around on their laps. "Stop you're getting red all over us!" Cries the girl from 4. I thought you enjoyed red since you tend to see it spilling out of your victim's hearts. Finally they all push me off of them and I roll over to a corner at the far side of the room.

One by one the tributes are called to show their skills to the Game Makers. When Peeta is called he turns to me, "I'll put in a good word for ya," he says. "I'll put in an arrow in your skull!" I shout at him. He smiles like a dumb four year old and skips out of the room. Now I'm the only one left. When they call my name I'm so ready for this! I leap into the room and run around in circles. The Game Makers gasp at my outfit. I turn to them, "MY NAME IS KATNISS EVERDEEN AND THIS IS WHAT I'M GONNA LOOK LIKE WHEN I'M DEAD!" I shout at them. Some faint, and others just sit there with their mouths open. I then grab a rope and make a lasso. I launch it up into the air where it catches on the balcony where the Game Makers are sitting. I climb up and grab onto the ledge. The Game Makers hastily retreat to the back wall where most are banging on the door screaming, "Please! Please! Let us out Please!" They shout. But it's too late because I've already toppled over the wall that was meant to keep us tributes out. I start beating up as many Game Makers as I can. Then I pull out my handy dandy wrench that I "borrowed" from Bob the builder who is no longer with us. I start whacking people with it over and over again. Then right before I'm about to finish the job the buzzer sounds meaning my time was up. I bow and leap back over the railing and land on the padded gym floor. "May I be dismissed?" I call to them. I hear a bunch of pleading groans so I take that as a yes. What shall my score be? To be Continued!


	9. Part 9

Hunger Games Parody Part 9

I am temporarily detained in my room, along with the other Tributes, so that the Game Makers can judge us and well recuperate. I decide since my toilet paper outfit is becoming soggy that I should switch out fits. I put on some jeans and wear them just bellow my butt and pull on a baggy shirt with a money sign covered vest. I put on a sideways Yankees hat and throw on some sun glasses. Next I go over to my suit case which I had imported from Bangladesh. I pull out my gold grills and slide those on my teeth and look in the mirror. "Oh yea, Katniss da gangsta!" Then I wait silently on my bed until they call me to come see the tribute scores. 1 hour…2 hours….3 hours. Finally there's a knock at my door. I leap out of bed and open the door so fast that it hits me in the face and I get a bloody nose, but that helps my look even more. Effie is there to collect me, "Oh Katniss darling are you alright?" she asks. "I'm fine wench!" I shout at her. She has finally realized that too long of an awkward silence always leads to me injuring someone so she makes a break for it to the elevator. She makes it in and starts breathing deeply, "That was a close one!" she huffs. I then ram my body into the small crack in the door and barge my way in.

By the time the elevator doors open Effie has become really quiet. I drag her body out of the elevator into the room where my prep team awaits along with Peeta's. They stare at the lifeless body that used to be Effie. I didn't expect to see them so I'm in a bit of a sticky situation. "What happened to Effie….," asks Portia's replacement name Snorshia. "She fell," I say with teeth clenched. "Is she okay?" asks Peeta. I look down at Effie then back at Peeta, "No." Then I take my seat in the garbage can because that's where I feel most comfortable.

One at a time the scores flash on the screen. The Careers all get 25 out of 12. A few others get like 7 or 13 or 47 or something like that. Then it's my score…..the number ½ flashes on the screen. I jump up in the air, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" I shout and run around the room. "Beat that Peeta!" I yell. All of the sudden Peeta's score flashes on the screen…..1/3. I roll on the floor laughing. "HA HA Peeta you suck!" I say. "Oh that's alright Katniss I'm sure they still like me for who I am," he replies with a smile. "Wipe that grin off your face before I smack it off!" I say. I pull out my forty-caliber and fire six rounds. Peeta lays on the ground with five holes in him, "Ow! Hey guys, what's the 4 1 1 on the 9 1 1?" he chuckles. Everyone groans and walks out of the room. I return to my room knowing that tomorrow will be the interviews! To Be Continued!

Author's note: sorry for the short chapter I've been busy lately.


	10. Part 10

Hunger Games Parody Part 10

I hear a knock at the door, I open it to find Peeta there. "Okay how are you still alive?" I ask disappointed. He chuckles, "Oh Katniss you're so funny! I know you only shot me because I got a better score than you. I stare at him, "No you didn't! I got a ½ and you got a 1/3!" He shakes his head, "Katniss everyone knows that 3 is higher than 2," he replies. I'm about to shank him but a recent talk to my anger management coach tells me to contain my rage. "Whatever Peeta! So why are you here?" He looks at me, "I wanted to show you the rooftop garden! It's soooo pretty, and the wind blocks the cameras from hearing us," he says blushing. I wait a second then slam the door in his face. "Ok, maybe some other time. Um…..Katniss, can you tell me where I can find the medical station? My nose is bleeding," Peeta asks from outside. "Down the hall and to the left!" I shout at him. "Thanks!" he says back. I snicker because what he doesn't know is that I've just sent him to the incinerator!

I walk over to the window and see the city streets bellow. People are dancing and partying, and unaware of what is about to end their fun. I take out my airsoft gun and exchange fire. People are mowed down by my pellets of death! A little girl in a lemon yellow coat kneels by her mother trying to rouse her. I pull out my sniper airsoft gun and aim at her head. BANG! Her forehead is hit and she falls to the ground. Next I see Edward Cullen and Bella running through the streets. I decide he needs a little color so I pull out my paint ball gun. I shoot him eleven times and Bella twenty five times. I laugh because Vampires really do suck! I go crawl into bed and fall asleep to the melody of moans coming from down bellow. I sigh, "If only Prim were down there."

The next morning I'm awoken by Effie's annoying yet flustered voice, "Get up! Today's going to be a large, large, large day!" she chirps. How is she still alive too? I really need to fire my mugging teacher. "Can it Effie I'll be out in a second!" I shout at the door. I start to hear the door open so I turn out the lights and close all the shutters so that my room is pitch black. A small stream of light breaks through the dark as the door opens. Effie peeks in, "Uh Katniss? You in here?" she asks nervously. She takes a step in, the door slams behind her. "Katniss! Katniss! Um please turn on the light!" she pleads. A spot light turns on revealing her presence. She looks around stunned. "Hello Effie, I want to play a game," I say. "Well I don't so let me out!" she shouts. Then a spot light illuminates me in the corner. "Curve the bullet," I say. "What?" asks Effie who is now starting to panic. "Curve the bullet!" I shout at her. In slow motion I shoot a bullet at her. It drifts by her head in the same slow speed. "What was that for?" asks Effie. "Nothing, I just thought Angelina Jolie was exaggerating a bit in that movie but I guess you really can curve a bullet," I say. I walk over to the wall and turn the light on. "So what are we doing today Effie Brisket?" I ask. "Interviews, and um my name's Trinket," she replies. "But Brisket tastes really good," I pout. "Yea um…..I guess it does but that doesn't mean that my name is…oh never mind! Just follow me! You slept through training for the interviews with me and Haymitch so now I guess you're going to have to wing it," she huffs.

I hadn't had time to change so I'm wearing the lady Gaga outfit that I had worn the night before at Las Vegas. "Why are you wearing that?" Effie asks. "Because Effie, whenever I go hunting there's always someone who gets in my way and they die! Lady Gaga was one of them!" Effie doesn't ask any more questions. She says goodbye to me and I board the stage to the interviews…..To be Continued!


	11. Part 11

Hunger Games Parody Part 11

The bright lights engulf me as I take my seat marked 12 next to that freaking thing some call Peeta. I try and sit as far away from him as I can. "Katniss, I must say that this outfit suits you! I just love how Lady Gaga incorporates meat and fashion!" he chuckles in a Capitol accent. "Um sure whatever. Why are you talking like that?" I ask. "Effie told me I sounded nicer that way, and that it makes girls go crazy," he bats his eyes at me. I pluck out one of his blond eyelashes. "Ow!" he squeals. "Keep your facial hair to yourself!" I say and push him out of his chair. The other tributes turn around and stare at me. "What's wrong with you Katniss can't you see he's smitten?" says Fox face, or in English Face of the Fox. I roll my eyes, "He better keep his smits to himself!" I say and stab her in the foot with a porcupine that happened to be in the one foot radius.

Finally the announcer Claudius Templesmith comes on stage. This year he appears to be dressed as a woman….Katniss likes! He/ She skips over to the mike, "I'm so excited to see you all here!" he chimes trying to sound like a woman. "Us too cutie!" I call back to him. Everyone in the crowd falls silent. "Um, thanks but being a woman I prefer men. Anyway let's start with District 1!" he says. Glimmer is wearing a see through gold shoe on her right foot….and that's it. "Wow! You have great designers!" says Claudius. "They wanted my look to tell a story," says Glimmer reading the note cards in her hand. The tributes go by one by one in order of district. When Rue goes up she is dressed like a pigeon with a broken wing. "What do you think your designers were going for?" asks Claudius. "Well they said it's to represent how I'm like a bird who's gonna die," she says smiling. I laugh, "This chick is so right!" I cackle. Finally it's my turn. "So Katniss I heard you shot your sister at the Reaping!" says Claudius. "Well yea I did. Is that so wrong?" I ask puzzled. "Actually yes, it's against the law," says Claudius. "Yea I know!" I say in a challenged voice. "So can you tell us why you got a ½ in training?" he asks. "Well, I'm not supposed to talk about it but if you must know I ran in wearing a mummy outfit and bludgeoned the Game Makers with a wrench," I say starring up at the Game Makers. They shutter. "Um, Okay so anybody you have a crush on?" he asks. "YOU SWEET CHEEKS!" I scream at him. He backs up a bit and my time is up. What will Peeta say? To be Continued!


	12. Part 12: The Interviews!

Hunger Games Parody Part 12

I'm less than thrilled as Peeta approaches the microphone. I mean I already have to listen to this guy talk normally! Claudius Templesmith is amused by him apparently, "Oh aren't you a handsome young man!" he/ she says. I roll my eyes because anyone who ever could see knows that Peeta is not handsome! "Oh Claudius you flatter me," says Peeta in a Capitol accent. Everyone in the audience groans. I just sit there and chuckle to myself and hit my fellow tributes with spitballs that I always carry. "So Peeta, anyone you have a crush on?" asked Claudius. "Well if you must know, I do like Katniss Everdeen! She's the oreo to my cookie!" replies Peeta. All the cameras turn to me. I'm about to shoot a spitball so the cameras have caught me with the straw in my mouth. I roll my eyes, "I guess that's why they call it beauty and the beast." The audience starts roaring in laughter because of course it's true! I jump out of my chair and leap onto the curtains above. I swing throughout the stage spitting my spit balls whatever which way. People are screaming and start running to evacuate the square! I laugh and fling myself into the air. I let go of the curtain and start a steady plummet to the ground. I land in a really cool ninja pose and begin attacking the panicked crowd around me. I feel a sting in my neck all of the sudden. I pull out a tranquilizer! I turn to the swat team that has assembled, "Ha Ha! Luckily I trained myself so that I'm immune to it!" I shout. Then I get tazered and everything goes black.

I awake once again in my room above the training center. I instinctively walk over to the table which as I expected has a note on it. It reads, "_Dear Katniss, We are somewhat pleased to inform you that your life will be spared once more! Since you and Peeta are now Pie Crossed Lovers the ratings are now through the floor! I love you_

_-Claudius Templesmith_

I stare at the paper for a while because I'm a slow reader and then drown it. "No please! I have a family!" cries the piece of paper. "I don't care if you have a pickle! You are still going to die!" I say. Finally the piece of paper stops struggling and I'm able to chop the body up. I hide it in the closet where the rest of my stash is. I know that tomorrow is the Games and that sleep would be wise, but yet again nothing I ever do is wise so why start now? I walk into the hall way and get in the elevator. You know, I can't believe no one has ever tried to escape before because seriously if I wasn't so deranged I'd walk right out the front door. I sneak into the kitchen and steel some lettuce from the fridge. I spend the night wandering through the building munching on lettuce. Flash back: I was eleven years old. My dad had just been blown up in a boat accident, and my family was starving to death. Not that I cared about Prim or my mother it's just that well, I was hungry and I needed to eat ya know? Anyway, my dad used to chase me into the woods and try and shoot me with his bow and arrows. After he died I found his bow and pulled out all the arrows that had been lodged in my body, there was a lot of them! I would go into the woods and hunt for wild lettuce and wild cabbage. They were fast little suckers but I shot them just the same! Flash back over.

In the morning I awake in a helicopter with a bunch of tubes in my arms. "Where the heck am I?" I shout at Effie who is right in front of me. "You were in a lettuce coma, and now you are on your way to The Hunger Games arena to die," she replies. "Oh…..can I have some more lettuce?" I ask. "Of course not!" she yells. I cross my arms and pout, "I guess I'll just have to eat cabage!"

To Be Continued!


	13. IN THE GAMES FINALLY!

Hunger Games Parody Part 13: The Games Begin!

The hover craft finally lands underneath the arena. I notice something painful in my arm! "Oh, hey Katniss. Um, that sharp pain you feel in your arm has nothing to do with the tracker I'm currently installing with this long, sharp needle," says a person in a white robe next to me. "Who are you, Cameron Diaz?" I yell and punch him in the face. I pluck out the tracker and swallow it, "That'll get her done," I say. I realize that they've only clothed me in the bed sheet I'm under so I wrap myself up in it making a sari. Did I forget to mention that I'm .000000006% Indian? Anyway, Effie comes to get me and we walk to the exit of the helicopter. When we get to the steps I push Effie down them hoping that she wouldn't get up, but to my amazing luck she did. I'm put in a lofty room with an elevator type thing that I'm guessing takes me into the arena. I hear the door crack open behind me. My prep team walks in, "Uh, hi there Katniss. We are your prep team," says the fat one nervously. "Why are you so fat?" I ask her. "Well you see I," she starts. "Whatever plumpness, so why haven't you guys or uh…things shown up to help dress me or nothing?" I ask. "We were hung over," says the guy thing called Flavius. "…..For a whole week?" I say suspiciously. They don't answer so I start smacking them with my new hulk smash fists that I bought at Toys R Us. But seriously people, Toys really are us!

Finally the speaker announces all tribute to the elevators. "Wait! We haven't dressed you!" shouts Octavia. I quickly pull on an Indiana Jones outfit. "Katniss what are you wearing?" squeals Flavius. "I'm not Katniss! I'm Indiana Idiot!" (cool Indiana Jones theme music plays as the glass shuts in front of me.) Then, I'm lifted up into the arena. The first thing I realize is the smell of homeless people and fake cheese burgers with the overwhelming aroma of milkshakes! I look around…..I'm in Dairy Queen? People look at me, but they're not tributes. "Um, is this the Hunger Games arena?" I ask puzzled. "No," replies a random hobo. Then I hear a voice through the speaker in my little elevator thingy, "Oh, sorry Katniss, wrong arena." I'm then sucked back down and lifted into the real arena.

I feel the wind on my face and the sun beating down on me. The arena in front of me is the cornucopia about 100 yards away. Behind that, and behind us tributes are woods. Then to the right is a lake, and to the left are fields of tall grain. I see that next to me is Face of the Fox and the other side is Clove the man lady. Clove makes a cut throat motion with her finger in my direction. "What is that supposed to mean!" I shout at her. I set my sights at the bow and arrows in the Cornucopia. I am temporarily distracted by Peeta who is a few tributes down. He's shaking his head. I'm getting annoyed so I take out my whip and slash him in the eye. "Let the 777,777,777,777,777,777,774th Hunger Games begin!" shouts Claudius Templesmith. He's standing about 50 yards in front of us waving a flag dressed in only man panties running around in a circle. Then the gongs sound and we rush in opposite directions.

Claudius is trampled and killed instantly. I swipe an orange backpack and a useless piece of plastic. Then I find a guitar and run to the top of the Cornucopia. I sit on the golden lip and begin to play my guitar and sing, "BABY YOU'RE A FIREWORK! COME ON SHOW UM WHAT YOU'RE WORTH! MAKE UM GO UH- UH- UH AS YOU SHOOT ACROSS THE SKY-Y-YYYYY!" Everyone bellow stops fighting and looks at me. "Can you shut up?" yells Cato. "Is it because I'm white?" I shout at him. "What! I'm white too! You have a horrible voice!" he shouts back. "Who are you Simon? Am I on Panem Idol or something?" I yell back. No one responds. I then leap off the cornucopia and rush into the woods. I run through the woods with my spray on abs and I reach the sun and I sparkle! Oh wait ha ha wrong story, I'm not Edward Cullen! Anyway, I jog for a while then stop to see what mama gots in her bag. I find some iodine which I put in my hair to make it blue, a water canteen which I fill with grass cause I'm hot like that, some crackers which I use to make a bread crumb trail, and some meat which I leave behind because it's too heavy. So my supplies is gone except for my guitar and backpack with a grass filled canteen and that piece of plastic. I'm good to go! To be Continued!

Next time on the Hunger Games Parody: Who will Katniss encounter on her adventure. Will she run in to the Careers? As her supplies dwindle from crap to nothing Katniss finds herself in a bit of a pickle. And how will she deal with the first night in the arena? Caution: there will be blood shed!


	14. It's the climb

Hunger Games Parody Part 14!

I try to keep going but my feet feel like Prim is hanging on them, and Prim is fat! I take a rest next to a tree and eat some pine needles that I found on the ground. I started to choke so I decide that eating more would only lead to my death. I hear a cannon fire, "Yes! You stupid American!" I shout. "What's an American?" says a voice behind me. I whirl around to see Peeta sharpening a stick with a knife. The only problem is that he's holding the knife the wrong way and the blade is cutting his palm. "Are you stalking me? You are totally steeling my thunder dog! Everyone knows that stalking is best done by me!" I say. He cocks his head up as if hearing something. Then before I can stop him he lets out the loudest scream I have ever heard! I leap onto him and wrap my hands around his neck. "Why are you screaming you little British boy?" I shout at him. He manages to escape my grasp. Then he runs away into the woods flailing his arms around shouting, "IT'S THE CLIMB! Oh yea E-yeah yeah!" I roll my eyes, everyone knows Miley Cyrus is so ten minutes ago!

It's so hot! Like Taylor Swift hot except maybe not that much! I trudge through the woods feeling my thirst become even more and more intense. That's when I decide to climb up a tree in search of water. I pull myself up to the first branch and hear a voice, "Oh my goodness! Oh my gosh! You're, you're just too fat!" huffs the tree. "You can talk?" I ask stunned. "Yes but I would prefer if you got off of my branch. You see you are terribly heavy and awfully fat, and you are beginning to crack my arm off," says the tree struggling to keep my weight balanced. "You're a bad tree! You should be a dead tree! I hate you!" I scream at the tree. I hop down and stab the tree with a sharp stick that I conveniently find. The tree coughs up some sap, "Tell my little acorns that…I love them," then the tree falls over and dies. I laugh and kick the stump, "I'll kill your acorns too!" I shout. Then I continue on my way.

Finally I collapse in a pond of water because I'm so thirsty. "Why can't I find water!" I think as I sink below the water's surface and hit the mucky bottom. I'm about to die when I realize it! I'M IN WATER! I swim to the surface and breathe some air and take in some gulps of the polluted pond water. I throw up a few times but I drink it any way. I then walk away because now I'm hungry. I see another tribute sitting by a tree. When she looks up at me her expression is a definite sign of fear. I lean against a tree, "You know what? I do believe this is the Hunger Games! And you know what else, I'm hungry. And you know what else? you are looking really yummy over there!" I say. She tries to get up and run but obviously I am too quick! I jump on her and eat her. She was district 7 I think. All that lumber harvesting made her juicy and nutritious! "That should hold me," I say and gallop off into the forest once more. Once it gets dark I settle down and make camp for the night in a tree and strap myself to a branch with my whip. I lay my sleeping bag down and climb in. I start to sleep when I hear it! Crack! Crack! I look up to see some nincompoop lighting a fire down below. "Hey Stupids R Us! You mind not getting us killed?" I shout at the person. "But I'm cold!" she screams back. "I will dance on your grave wench!" I say and go back to sleep.

Then probably a few hours later I hear them, the Careers! The girl's fire has died down, but the smoke is still thick. I look down and see the Careers beating her up! The weirdest thing is that Peeta is there too, and he's one of them! I pull out a video camera and record the show. Finally she stops screaming, but there's no cannon. "Did you kill her po-po?" asked Marvel. "Um my name's Cato and yes I did!" replies Cato. "Then where's the cannon?" asks man lady Clove. "She's dead sweet sugar cakes of love!" he shouts at her. "I'll finish her off!" suggests Peeta. "No offence Peeta, but you're kind of a wus," says Glimmer. "Oh yea!" Peeta stomps over to the girl and slaps her in the face, "There she's done!" he says. The Careers role their eyes, and Cato walks over and ends her for real because the cannon fires. I must have slept through who died today but honestly I kind of don't care.

Next time: Be patient and you'll find out.


	15. Stupids R Us

Hunger Games parody Part 15

In the morning I get up and decide to move on. As soon as I unbuckle myself from the tree I fall about thirty feet. I hit the ground unharmed. You know what they say, Kats always land on their feet! LOL! Get it because my names Katniss! Anyway, I strip of my Indiana Jones outfit and make a dress out of leaves by using strands of my hair that I plucked out. I leave every last bit of my supplies in the tree and make a spear out of my surroundings. I used to have to do this when I would go into the woods and hunt for tribes. I'd kill their chief and eat all of their horses! Ah, good times I walk through the forest for hours until I come take a rest next to a tree. Suddenly I smell smoke! For a second I was almost confident that it was because I'm so dang smokin' hot. But then I hear the crackling of burnt sticks and the heat of a blaze. That's when I remembered that I had set the dead body of the tree on fire yesterday. It must have sparked up again! I run straight up to the fire and run around, "SACRIFE! SACRIFICE!" But when I feel a fire ball on my back I decide that I shouldn't sacrifice myself just yet. I start sprinting really fast like that retard chick from Power Rangers. I do a pointless but really cool flip in the air! But my braid got snagged on a tree branch! I'm now dangling as the fire's getting closer and closer. I pull out a knife and am about to chop my head off so I can get down when I realize that all I have to do is cut my braid off. So down I go!

Finally I make it to a pond and the fire stops. There's a burn on my leg and a burns on my hands and to be honest I couldn't look awesome! The skin on my calf is charred black, "Cool! I look disgusting!" I yell. I jump in the pond and splash around really loudly, "HELP! I CAN'T SWIM! HELP!" I shout. Then I realize, "WAIT YES I CAN, NEVER MIND!" I shout back. No one answers I guess cause I'm intimidating. Then I hear the Careers on their way probably to say hi or something. They walk up to the water's edge. "Cato, Marvel-vel-vel-vel-vel, Glimmer, weird chick from 4, and Man Lady how do you do?" I ask in a British accent from the middle of the pond. Clove chucks a rock at me, "I'm not a man lady!" she screams. Cato walks over and gives her a pat on the back. "Why don't you come out so we can um…kill you," says Marvel. Glimmer pushes him down and kicks him. "Um….NO!" I shout. "You'll have to come out sooner or later!" screamed the girl from 4 named #$%^&*. "Why don't you make me you sack of potatoes!" I yell back. They don't answer so I guess they can't swim. I then sink below the water. "Where'd she go?" asked Marvel coughing up blood. "That dang freak is so weird!" screamed man lady. I then pop up and grab her by the ankle and pull her under. She tries and break free but she's no match for Katniss the mermaid! I drag her to the bottom and punch her a lot. Then I swim back up to the surface on the other side of the pond and rush for the trees. The Careers pull man lady out who is just barely alive. I climb up a tree and wait there. The Careers arrive shortly after. I fart really loud and the fumes fill the air. The Careers faint instantly. If I were smart I would climb down and run away, but since I'm not I decide to spend the night in the tree. The anthem plays and I see no faces in the sky because no one died, although man lady is pretty close.

That's when I see two eyes looking at me. "Who are you freak!" I shout. "What's up dog!" yells Rue.

Too be Continued! (") - that's a penguin


	16. Trapped!

Hunger Games Parody Part 16!

I stare at her across the tree branches. All of the sudden Rue leaps off of her branch and lands right next to me! "Hey wanna snuggle?" she asks. I push her and she falls about 20ft. I hear a thud and then hear her scramble up the tree from which she came. I wait a second then here, "KATNISS!" I turn and see Rue dangling by her collar from a branch in the moonlight. "Will you shut up you nummy!" I yell back. "You wanna get off your butt and help me?" she screams back. "…..no!" I shout. "Forget you! I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough!" she said spinning in a slow circle. "What? Who would care about the change in your pocket?" I ask. "I don't know I heard it in a cool yet inappropriate song," replied Rue. I'm about to throw a knife at her when she points at a shape above me. I look up and see a Slagger Smagger nest! Those little freakish wasps were made by the Capitol to annoy people to death! They were used in the Revolutionary war! Oh wait…no they weren't. Anyway I've been annoyed by these little buggers before, and le' me tell ya….they are more annoying than Prim if that sais anything. I climb up to their branch and realize that they're still dizzy from my toxic fart fumes. How Rue managed to stay conscious is beyond me. Anyway I cut the nest down and just as the sun begins to rise. I'm hoping Rue will be caught in the swarm but I see that she has already gotten free and is now swinging through the trees. But she misses a branch and falls to her doom. I wait a little while before I hear her moans and walk away.

I drop the nest on the Careers who are just waking up. "Hey hey hey man lady" "Yo waz up Glimmer! How are your moms?" "Hey Cato did you gain weight?" "Sup Marvel how'd you get so ugly?" says the swarm of Slagger Smaggers flying about the Careers. "Hurry, run to the lake!" cries Cato. Peeta, Clove, Marvel, and Cato have the good sense to run. But of course Glimmer stays for…the yo mamas! "Yo mama so fat, she jumped and caused the earth quake in Chile!" said one of the Slagger Smaggers. "Oh yea, well yo mama so short that she stepped off the curb to commit suicide!" yelled Glimmer. "Yo mama sooooooooo stupid that she sat on the TV and watched the couch!" said another Slagger Smagger. "Oh, oh yea well, well your mom, your mom is, is so weird that, um, um, she um…died?" stuttered Glimmer. Then the Slagger Smaggers devoured her in annoyance along with the girl from 4. Finally the Slagger Smaggers explode leaving both girls huddled on the ground. I too am growing dizzy from annoyance and feel as though I'm about to kick the bucket any time now. I stagger into the woods. "Oh wait! I forgot to beat them up!" I run back to rough um up a bit when I realized that Glimmer had a bow and arrow. I snag that and then collapse. "KATNISS! Run!" I hear. I look up and see Peeta standing over me. "Boy I will cut you!" I say. "Uh do not get loud wid me sir do not get loud wid me oh no!" says Peeta. I get up and run just as Cato tackles him to the ground.

To Be Continued. (sorry if I spelled says wrong like a trillion times lol!) Also sorry if this Chapter wasn't the funniest, I haven't had much time to write lately. So sorry for the slow updating!


	17. Are you serious right now

Hunger Games Parody Part 17!

I slowly open my eyes, there is a faint smell of kindling wood bellow me. I realize that I'm upside down and my hands are bound. I try and shift but my feet are tethered too! I'm tied to a stick that is suspended by four sticks bellow, and I'm above a pile of sticks. ….I'm about to be some one's dinner! I feel a disturbance in my back pack all of the sudden! Just then Buttercup jumps out and lands on the ground in a heap. "I've just about had enough of you!" I scream and kick him. He sales about thirty yards in the air and then hits the ground about fifty feet away. "That'll teach him!" I say. I'm falling asleep when I see Rue immerge from the underbrush with some more sticks. She is whistling a dumb little tune. When she sees me smiling at her she slowly stops whistling and then drops the sticks. "Um….I didn't expect you to wake up," she said. I look at my bound hands and wrists and then at the wood that lies at her feet, "Where you going to eat me?" I ask a bit impressed. "Well…..yes as a matter of fact I was!" she replies straight faced. "Still hungry?" I ask. "No I've….lost my appetite," she replies. "Do you wanna maybe untie me?" I ask. She stares at me for a while, "No…" I sigh, "Well that's too bad because I was gonna give you a present!" I say. She rushes over and saws me free and I drop to the ground. "What is it?" she squeals. "Girl you need to get your life together! And I got you nothing because the voices in my head told me not to!" I shout at her. "Oh, it's ok. I'm used to not getting presents on Christmas," she slumps to the ground. "Why, no money?" I ask. "Na I'm Jewish," she replies. I don't respond.

I start digging a hole in the ground. "What's that for?" asks Rue. "I have to go potty," I reply. "Why don't you just go in there?" says Rue pointing to my left. I turn around and see a small shack of a building. It has a sign that says, "**Please use this restroom! The Careers welcome you with love!**" I stop digging, "Oh hey that sounds heavenly! Maybe they'll even have two-ply!" I say and run to the bathroom. I sit down and start reading a magazine labeled _20 ways to kill you with a knife! _I hear laughter outside. "Am I being punked?" I scream. A deep voice answers, "Uh….no!" I'd know that voice anywhere! "Man Lady is that you?" I yell. I hear something like a dying walrus outside. "What was that?" I ask. "You made my girlfriend cry!" says Cato. All of the sudden the bathroom collapses and I'm in a net thrashing about. "Wow your plan actually worked Marvel Higenbottom," said Cato. "Yea I guess so!" replies Marvel enthusiastically. I start laughing. "What are you laughing about?" asks Clove the Man lady. "I just find it funny how his last name is Higenbottom and he used a bathroom as a trap! Ha Ha get it? Higen-BOTTOM!" I chuckle. Rue is laughing in a nearby tree, "Ha ha, good one Katniss!" I throw a rock in her direction and I hear a thud on the ground.

"So what now?" asks Clove. "I guess we should rid the world of this menace," replied Cato. "Maybe we should let her go," I say in a voice that mimics Cato. "Ok you're the boss," says Marvel and cuts down the net. I sprint to the closest tree and scamper up its branches. "Marvel, why'd you do that!" screams Clove. "She did an amazing Cato impression!" he squeals. They both slap him and head back to their camp. I wait until I'm certain they're gone and then bounce up and down on the branch, "Huh, this is pretty comfortable!" I say. "That's because I'm double stuffed!" says a voice. I look down and see that I'm sitting on Rue. I move over and let her regain her balance on the branch. "So I was thinking, do you wanna be my ally?" she asks. I look at her, "NO!" She scoots a bit closer to me, "Please, I'm a good miniature house builder." "What does that have to do with anything?" I say. She's obviously deep in thought. "I can shout really loudly," she says after a while. "I don't believe you," I say. "Oh yea," she says. She then lets out the loudest scream I've ever heard in my entire life! I slap her in the face and she becomes really quiet. I sling her over my shoulder and climb down the tree. I guess I'm stuck with "it". I now know one thing: I have a retard ally, I am good at climbing trees, I can roll my tongue for a really long time, and my name is Katniss…..I guess that's four things.

Author's note: So I received a request to make the chapter longer, so just for you I am making this chapter really long. Thank ya's.

I had made camp near a stream the past night. There are now nine people left: Me, Rue, Face of the Fox, Clove the man lady, Cato, Marvel Higenbottom, The boy from 3 named Smucky, I guess Peeta, and Thresher Shark (Thresh). The rest of the people have either been killed or consumed. Rue wakes up and sniffs the air, "I smell chicken!" she screams. "What are you? There is no chicken," I say aiming my bow at her head. "Oh that's right I forgot!" she says and pulls out a chicken wing from her pocket. "Where did you get that?" I ask. "…..From Timmy." "Who's Timmy? There's no one in this arena named that!" I say. I turn my back and hear her whisper, "Shhhhhhh Timmy she's onto us." I spin around and see her sitting there blank faced starring at me. "I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear you talking to an imaginary man named Timmy," I say.

"So what are we going to do today?" asks Rue. "Blow stuff up," I reply fiddling with a piece of animal dung. Rue runs up to me and slaps me. "Ow what was that for?" I ask. She shrugs, "So how and what are we blowing up?" she asks. "The Cornucopia and honestly I'm not sure," I say. "Why the Cornucopia?" asks Rue. "It just seems fun." "Oh ok!" We set off in search of the Cornucopia. I walk ahead wondering _what the goose feather_ Rue is doing. I hear a chain saw, then a baby crying, a weird girlish yelp, a heavy medal guitar, and the sharpening of a knife. Finally I shout, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" I turn around and see Rue standing there about ten feet away. "What the heck?" I say. "Timmy made me!" shouted Rue. "Made you do what? You're just standing there," I growl. "Oh, I suppose I am," she says. We keep walking. Too Be Continued.


	18. BOOOOM!

Hunger Games Parody Part 18

It's been a long, annoying day in the arena. I decide to make camp next to a wide tree so that I can separate myself from Rue and um…..Timmy. Once I sit down Rue jumps on me! "Get off! What was that for?" I shriek. "You looked like a cheeseburger so I jumped on you," she says tumbling off. "You are the strangest thing I've ever met!" I pick her up and move her to the other side of the tree. I see foot prints appear and walk around the tree too. "….Timmy?" I ask. I get no answer. As it gets darker I climb up the tree and make camp. It was only a few hours into my much needed beauty sleep when I smelled smoke. I looked down over the side of the branch and see Rue curled up by a fire down below, "You do know that the Careers hunt at night right?" I say. She looks up at me, "Who are the Careers?" I shake my head and lay back down. But to my disappointment Rue made it through the night with no disturbance, well aside from the usual. I climb down and squat next to her. I'm debating on whether or not to finish her when she wakes up and screams in my face! I tumble backwards and hit my head on a rock and black out.

My eyes blink a few times as the blurry world comes into view. I'm in a cooking pot with boiling water around me. Rue is sitting there chopping vegetables into the pot humming. She looks up at me and stops humming, "Uhhhh I can explain!" she insists. "I'm just not gonna ask this time," I say and hop out. "So how are we gonna blow up the Cornucopia?" asked Rue eating some sort of meat. "Where'd you get that?" I ask hungrily. "…..Timmy's not going to bother us anymore," says Rue with a quivering smile. "Good to know….anyway, we are going to strap bombs to ourselves and run into it shouting, 'This is a hold up!'" I explain. "What's the point of that?" asks Rue. "I don't know, I just always wanted to say that." "But you just did say that!" "You know what Rue, I'll be the one to ask the questions around here! Like why the heck do I look good enough to eat to you?" I say fed up. She doesn't respond. But she does lick her lips as if looking at something delicious.

We finally make it to the outskirts of the forest and can see the golden figure sparkling in the sunlight. "Ok, now where can we get some bombs?" I ask. "Would you like grenades, time, pipe, or dynamite bombs?" asks Rue holding her jacket open. Inside is an array of bombing devices. "Where'd you get those?" I ask excited. "I uh, well, uh, um, I…Hanukah?" she replies. We then strap ourselves with all the bombs we can carry and run out into the open ground shouting, "This is a hold up!" The Careers dive behind trees and brace themselves for an explosion. We rush into the Cornucopia where Face of the Fox is meditating. She opens one eye and then leaps out into the open on four legs. "Five..four..three..two..one!" I scream. But nothing happens. "Rue, what gives?" I ask angrily. The boy from District 3 is laughing outside. We take off the bombs sadly. Rue picks up the pile and drops them in front of the boy from 3. We walk away depressed. "Oh, and I suppose that if I put this on my head and strapped this to my body it will blow up!" screams the boy teasingly putting the bombs all over himself. We turn around to say something back. But before we could, the bombs go off.

When I regain my footing I see a big black spot where the boy from 3 used to be. I laugh, "Well Rue, your bombs came through after all!" Rue dances on the ashes, "Take that you non-believer!" she shouts. We then rush back into the forest skipping all the way. We slump down by a tree and laugh our butts off. "You know, you're alright!" I say to Rue. "You too buddy, you too."

To be Continued!


	19. Happy Hanukah!

Hunger Games Parody

Chapter 19

Separation

Rue gets up all of the sudden, "I left my bag!" I stop laughing at the boy from 3's misfortune, "Does this face look like it cares?" Rue runs back out into the open. I grab her arm, "Rue, the Careers are out there! Man lady is madder than ever!" Rue turns to me with a serious face, "I know, but there is something in that bag, something I can't leave behind," she says. "What?" I whisper. "…Timmy Meat," she whispers back. Then she sprints out into the meadow. "Meet me at the stream!" I call. "Uh Ok!" She yells back. A smart ally would follow her partner, but I being Katniss Everdeen, walks away happily. I hear giggling coming from a bush. I chuck a knife in its direction. I hear a small girlish yelp, "Oh ow, oh goodness, that sucker sure did hurt." I'd know that girly voice anywhere. "Peeta, get yo butt outta dat bush!" I scream. Peeta rolls out in a heap with a gash the size of a paper cut on his finger. "Katniss, this may be the end of me," he says thrashing about on the ground clutching his finger. "How are you still alive?" I ask literally pondering the odds. "I don't know, maybe the gods just like me." "….You got that from Gladiator!" Leave it to Peeta to find a cheesy line in a movie and use it in his vocabulary. "Can you just go on your way you cow!" I say walking away. "Gosh, who put the crab cake in your salad?" he says. I stop in my tracks and slowly turn around. Peeta's eye twitches a bit knowing what's coming next. I sprint and jump on him! I'm about to end him when I hear it!

It's a high pitched man scream, something like a mix between a whale and a mannish female. I run as fast as I can to the sound not wanting to miss any of the action. "I'm coming whoever you are, please don't kill em yet! I'm on my way!" I scream. When I break through the clearing I see Clove the man lady being attacked by Rue. Clove loses consciousness and Rue jumps off her back. "Yea Rue! You really showed her!" I say. "Oh, thanks it's really all in the technique. But ya know..," suddenly her words are stopped and she falls to the ground with a poison dart in her arm. I walk over to her where she's twitching. "Hey, you ok man?" I ask. "Does it look like I'm ok?" She slurs. I look up and see Marvel Higgenbottom with a blow gun in his hand. I decide I've had enough of him so I shoot him with an arrow. I kneel down beside Rue, "Anything I can do?" I ask. "Yea, you just need to find a..," "Na, too much work," I say. "Oh, ok…so what now?" asks Rue. "Well I guess you're gonna die," I say sympathetically. "SING….," she says. There is only one song I partially know, here it is,

_Deep in the getto, yo yo yo yo yo_

_A bed of crap, where you can chillo_

_Lay down your gun, and get you revolver_

_And when you shoot it, the police will arrive_

_Here there is welfare, and tomorrow_

_get a job, and when it's morning you will_

_get robbed. Deep in the getto, hidden_

_in a bank, lies the money that you will_

_take, Here your troubles stay, they'll never_

_wash away, you'll probably die, and get replaced,_

_Here is the place where I hate you._

Rue's eyes are closing so I try and get up. All of the sudden she grabs my arm and pulls me close. "What?" I ask irritated. "He's…..still…..alive!" she says. Then she falls to the ground and the cannon fires. "Um, ok." I begin to walk away when I remember that I still had some bombs of hers in my pocket. I walk over and decorate her hair in grenades. I back up and the helicopter picks her up. About five seconds later the whole copter blows up. A tear drips down my face, '_that's what she should have wanted,' _I think to myself. I get out of there fast because when Clove wakes up I'm sure she won't be happy. So now there's just me, Face of the Fox, Clove the man lady, Cato, Thresher Shark (Thresh), and um…oh yea Peeta.

I walk away from the scene knowing that now I'm all alone, I have no supplies except my bow and….oh crap I'm out of arrows, and there is someone who is apparently still alive. I slump down in a bundle on the ground. If the Careers want me they can come and get me, I'm hungry and need some good old fashion Cato soup. To Be Continued!


	20. When Allys Attack!

Hunger Games Parody Part 20!

What now?

I guess I'm on my own now. Why am I such a misfit? Oh wait that's Rudolf never mind. I stop and rest by a stream not really thinking to watch my back, I used to have Timmy for that. All the sudden I hear a rustling in a bush across the stream bed. I look up to see Face of the Fox starring at me. But she's different, her pale skin is now red fur! Her eyes have gone from green to a gold color, and where her uh…rear end should be is a long majestic fox tale. Not that I was looking there or anything. She growls at me and then leaps away into the forest. "Don't you think you're taking this a bit far?" I shout after her. I guess she lost her ability to talk because all I hear is a faint howl. I sit back against a tree feeling very hungry. Even though I'm more than capable of hunting wild cabbage I decide it would just be easier to eat my own fingers. I pull out the knife and am about to chop when I hear, "Nooooooooooo!" Peeta flops out of a tree and lands right in front of me on his face.

"Hey Katniss, I got you a heart!" he says holding out a real still beating organ. "My gosh boy! What the #$%^&* is that!" I ask. "Such language!" He says in disgust. "What, all I said was flippindoodle," I say. He looks up at me, "Oh, so wanna be my ally?" he asks. "Not in a million…," I'm stopped by the sound of a speaker's voice. "You all know that most of you are dead, so we've decided to make a new rule!" says the voice. "You can make all the rule's you want but I aint following em!" I shout at the sky. "Well, um, we have made a new rule for the not Katnisses. If the tribute from your district is still alive you can pare up and both win!" says the voice again. I slowly shift my head towards Peeta who is foaming at the mouth. "Now Peeta, I know what you're thinking but…" "KATNISS!" he shouts. So begins the chase! I start sprinting for the river, Peeta can't swim. Finally when I think I've lost him I stop and take a breather. That's when I hear the stick break. I spin around and see a now bulged eyed Peeta charging through the underbrush. I try and run but I trip over a leaf and hit my head. My vision goes dark just after a figure appears over me.

I slowly regain my site and realize that I'm in a tree. I prop up on my elbow and look over the edge. I'm about 200 ft. up on a limb. I now realize that I have three options, one to stay here and face whoever brought me, two attempt to fly, or three which is kill myself. I think I'll go with number two! I position myself for flight and leap off the branch! I close my eyes and feel the wind against my face. I expect to hit the ground but never do. After about 10 minutes I open my eyes and realize that I'm soaring over the arena! "Yes! No one tells Katniss Evergreen what she can and can't do!" I say. "Isn't your name Katniss Everdeen?" asks a voice. I look to my right and see a strange red headed boy wearing all green and a poorly stitched hat flying next to me holding my hand. "Who are you?" I ask. "I'm Peter Pan, and you can't fly without faith, trust, and Pixy Puss!" he says. I punch him in the face and he starts falling to the ground where he explodes. "Ha, that'll teach him!" I say. That's when I realized that without his Pixy Puss I can't fly! I'm heading towards the ground and know that I have but seconds to live. '_Think Katniss _think_! All you need is faith….trust…and Pixy Puss!'_ That's it! I grab the closest pixy and cut it open. I sprinkle all the pixy puss that I can and hope to Aang the Avatar that I fly. The ground is up ahead and I know what's coming. '_Come on Katniss have faith!'_ I muster up all the faith that I can and begin to rise a bit. '_Come on Katniss…trust!' _All of the sudden I fly back up into the air!

I gently float down to the ground and land unscathed. "Wow, what a rush!" I yell. That's when I realize that I have just landed right in the Career's camp.

"Cato…..Clove…..how's it going?" I ask. "It's going to be interesting," replied Cato. "Oh yes…it is!" I shout and jump on him. After he's unconscious I run for the hills! That's when I get caught in the net! I struggle to break free but I know it's no use! I realize that this net is poorly woven although efficient. So this is not the work of a Career. Face of the Fox couldn't do this because her hands are now paws. So that only leaves Thresher Shark and Peeta. My suspicions are found true just as Peeta comes into view. I turn around and see the Careers rushing towards me then back at Peeta. "Well, it's me or them," he says. I hesitate for a moment before shouting, "Please, come and get me! Don't leave me to this menace!" In aggravation Peeta slings the net over his shoulder and caries me into the woods. To Be Continued.

Author's note: Thanx for reading guys, next chapter will be up soon 


	21. You aqre beautifulSyke!

Hunger Games Parody Part 21!

100 reviews marathon!

"She's my ally….no…no you can't have her!" I hear faint voices arguing as I wake up. "No, you did not just mess with a Jersey girl!" I hear. "Timmy, is that you?" I ask in a fog. The voices stop. I look up and see Peeta starring at me. "Who were you talking to?" I ask feeling a sharp pain in my head. "No one…" he replies curiously. "Why does my head hurt?" I ask. "You were struggling so I hit you in the head with a pan…" replies Peeta matter-of-factly. "You what?" I ask aggravated. "Uhhh forget it. So um, how are you?" he asks twirling around. "Katniss how are you going to get out-a this one?" I mumble to myself. I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and see nothing. Then I know what it is, I know who Rue was talking about! "Timmy, where are you!" I whisper. I see writing in the dirt that says _follow me! _While Peeta is magically twirling around I follow the foot prints ahead of me. When we are at a safe distance away we break into a run and climb up a tree. "Timmy, you have no idea how glad I am to see you, Rue said you were dead and that she ate you, and then she died and," I stop when I see a tear drip down onto the branch out of mid air. "Oh, I'm sorry. I miss her too. She had all the bombs that I've been waiting months for in the black market," I say. I hear a little sniffle and try and put my arm around him. But since he's invisible I end up smacking him in the face. He plummets to the ground and I hear a thud. I rush down to him where he lays. His arm is broken and I know that he has a bad cut on his leg because there is now a river of blood up to my neck. He has an infection, and I know he needs medicine, or he'll die.

I pull Timmy into a cave and lay him down. He throws an apple at me and I smile. That's when I have an idea! I splash mud all over him and suddenly he is visible! He's really short like a midget. "Wow Timmy you are the shortest person I've ever seen!" I say. "What are you a midget?" I ask. "Um we prefer little people!" says a high pitched boy voice. "You sound like an elf," I say squeezing his ear. "How'd you even get here?" He looks up at me, "Well, I'm not supposed to say anything but…I'm an elf from the north pole." "Who sent you?" I shout. "Santa, why?" he asks. I run out of the cave like a little school girl. He grabs my arm and spins me around, "Katniss what's wrong?" he asks. "Santa killed my father!" Timmy pulls me close, "I'm so sorry!" he says. "Don't be, I paid him!" I say happily. "Why?" "He wouldn't give me a cookie!" I scream. Then Timmy collapses.

He's not dead but I begin digging his grave knowing the end is near until I hear, "I'd like to welcome all tributes to a feast! We know that you all have something you need and insure that it will be provided to you! Be there at the Cornucopia at sun rise!" says Claudius Templesmith. I look at Timmy, my last "friend" in the arena. I start sprinting in the direction of the Cornucopia which will probably take me a few hours but I have to do this for Timmy. I break up a tree branch when I hear Peeta's voice, "Katniss, I just want you back!" he yells and runs past. I hop down from the tree, "That was close!" I breathe. I trudge through the forest trying so hard not to fart. I know if I do the fumes will surround me and I'll die. But I just can't hold it in anymore! I let out a huge bomber and zoom through the forest. Why didn't I think of this before? My fart propels me all the way to the edge of the woods where I land smack down on my face! I get up, "Well I got here faster than I expected…..oh gosh this is boring," I say and sit down next to a tree. I sit there and stare at Face of the Fox prancing about in the distance until the sun rises.

I'm getting mad when nothing happens so I stand up and foolishly walk out into the open, "Ok, what's the deal! Where in Tom Hanks's name is our stuff!" I scream. Then the ground starts to shake and I'm expecting to see a table rise from beneath me. But instead I see Man Lady running towards me. She gained about 200 pounds since the last time I saw her and her cheeks almost completely cover her mouth. With each step she takes the ground rumbles. "Get over here Katnisssssss!" she shouts in an even deeper voice than before! She trips and falls and sends me flying backwards! I land in a daze and she jumps on me! Usually my superior strength would bale me out. But not against a 500 pound whale! "So, I seduced Cato into letting me kill you as long as I make it memorable," she says. "Seduced him? Wow he sure does have a type!" I say. She snarls, "You little peasant!" she screams. "What did you call me Butt Munch!" I scream. She pulls out a knife and is about to cut my face off when I say, "Why are you so mean?" she looks at me, "Wha…what?" she asks. "You heard me! I said why do you go around acting tuff and stuff?" I ask. She hesitates, "Well, I guess because I….I have no confidence," she sighs. I struggle to free my hand and put it on her squishy shoulder, "I believe you are beautiful no matter what they say! Words can't bring you down. You are beautiful in every single way," I tell her. She slides off me, "You really think so?" she asks. "NOPE!" I say and jump on her. We resale until she has me in a head lock. Right when I feel the life fading from me she is swept up into the air!

Thresher Shark is there! He throws her on the ground, "Oh, oh my gosh! That is some heavy chiz right there!" he says. I gulp at the sight of his size. He then picks up a lonely squirrel and chucks it at her. It hits her in the head and she loses consciousness for the 10th time in this game! "Wow she was nuts!" says Thresh waiting for a response of laughter. I sit there looking bored. "Uh, well this is awkward…," he then picks up another squirrel and is about to throw it at me when his face seems to be conflicted, "No, I can't do it!" he says. "Because I helped Rue?" I asked. "No, I can't do this to this squirrel! I mean I just chucked his friend and well, he's been through a lot," he sets him down gently. But the squirrel turned around and attacked Thresher Shark. I walked away as Thresher Shark was slowly devoured by a mutant rodent. I walk over to the table that just magically appeared and swipe the bag labeled District 12/ Timmy. I sprint away into the woods just as Man Lady's Cannon fires.

Author's Note: I made this Chapter really long because I got 100 reviews! That's awesome thanks so much!


	22. Beiber Fever

Hunger Games Parody Part 22!

Wow that's a lot of chapters!

109 reviews!

I limp through the woods thinking of only the mission ahead. I must get this pack to Timmy! I walk for 3 whole minutes of pure agony before I finally reach Timmy who is lying on the ground almost dead. "Timmy, Timmy, wake up! I got some medicine for you!" I say. His muddy head pops up, "Really, great!" he says with relief. I kneel down and unzip the pack…I pull out the syringe and stab it in Timmy's leg. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" he screams. I look down and see that it was not a syringe after all, it was a pencil! "Katniss you turd! What have you done?" he screams. All of the sudden a black line crawls up his leg and makes its way through his body. I'd know this anywhere! Timmy has graphite poisoning! Timmy starts coughing up magical peppermints and I know the end is near."Timmy…please….hold on to what we could be," I say clutching his hand. "Katniss….I have to go," he says. "Please, I can't live without," "No seriously, I really have to go. Santa's expecting me back by 10:00!" he says. All of the sudden he poofed away in a purple cloud. On the ground random candy canes spell Happy Halloween. "Wow, that's ironic," I say. I get up and sigh, "Alone again…Is she out there…..I need somebody to loooooooovvvvveeeeeeee! I, I don't need too much, just somebody to love!" I scream. "I was like baby baby baby ohhhhhhh!" I turn around and see Peeta dressed in really tight skinny jeans, a white V-neck, a black spiked leather jacket, black sun glasses, and of course the swish bangs. "Hey Katniss," he flips his hair, "You like what ya see?" he says striking a really painful looking pose. "If you mean the rhino butt dressed like a wanna be tranny then no I don't!" I say. "Katniss, it took me a lot to get these clothes!" he says. "From where? Let me guess, the jeans from Justice, the glasses from Clair's, and uh oh yea, the jacket from P-ditty's garbage!" I say. "….No, it's from Usher's garbage! He's my baby daddy!" he says. "…What!" I say really disturbed. "Neva mind young whipper snapper. Come on, we gotta go!" he yells. "Is there something wrong with you?" I ask calmly. He stares at me for a while and I know the tables have been turned! He lets out a scream and runs towards me. I now know the answer is yes to my question. He pulls out a pan and hits me with it. I go out like a light!

I wake up upside down. My feet are tied to the top of a cave which I can't figure out how that works. I hear a muffled voice in the darkness. "Thinks she can outsmart me….oh I don't think so…... She wants an ally I'll give her an ally….dumb Timmy….just tastes too good is all…she's awake." I spit into the oblivion and hear a splatter and a girlish yelp. There's scurrying behind me and I know that I'm in a really dark cave with a really dumb person. Has he finally gone off the edge? Peeta's face pops up in front of me! He has a beard now which really throws me off. "Hello….Katniss," he says eerily. "Hey gay wad," I say. "Ohhhhh you clever little sneak," he says wagging his finger. "Dude you're off your nut!" I say. "If I were a squirrel then yes maybe." "A squirrel is ten times the man you'll ever be!" I say. "True, true, but I'm not a man am I?" he says with one pupil dilated and the other enlarged. "I don't know about your gender issues," "Oh but you will!" "Um, no I won't." "…Want a cookie?" he asks. "Depends…..what kind?" I ask. "#Htuersh ^7" he replies. "Never heard of it." "Oh, well, oh it's just that I stayed up all night making them and well…..I wanted you to try them," he says. I pick up a clump of mud from the tray, "Peeta….this is mud." "So?" he asks. "Oh my butter biscuit," I say. Just then the rope snapped and I manage to regain my footing. I run to the mouth of the cave. "Stop, Katniss! That's not the arena! That's Narnia!" he shouts. I land in a pile of snow and know one thing, I'm not in Kansas anymore.

I hop back in the cave and make a run for the opposite exit to the arena. I trip and fall over something and land on my face. "Oh ow!" screams a voice. I turn around and see Lucy on the ground too. "Are you a daughter of Eve?" I ask. "No….actually I'm a daughter of Rick and Steve," she says. Then she runs into the snow. When I finally make it back to the real exit I peep outside. A fresh breeze blows on my face and I mocking jay floats above me. I don't know where to go or what to do. There's only four of us left plus Peeta so I really have no fight to pick. The ledge I'm on is about fifty feet up. How did Peeta lug me up here? I lean over the edge and allow myself to fall. I hit something hard yet muscular and bounce off. I rub my head and look up. Thresher Shark is rolling on the ground in agony. Then the canon fires and he's dead. To Be Continued! O_o


	23. The Katniss never falls far from the Fox

Hunger Games Parody Part 23!

I am number 4!

I get up and walk over to Thresher Shark who is now in a weird crumpled position with one leg slung behind his head. "Wow, didn't know I was that fat," I say looking over him. The copter comes and picks him up. On the side of the copter is a sign that says _Explosives not aloud! _Why do I feel like that's directed at me? All of the sudden a voice arises behind me, "Awwwww! I wanted to kill Thresh, he stole my pet squirrel!" I spin around and see Cato looking sadly at me. "Um….sorry?" I say. "It's all your fault you know! Clove was the man of my dreams and you took her away from me!" he screams. "Your Grammar is terrible," I say. He inhales and exhales sharply about ten times with nostrils flaring. "You OK there buddy?" I ask. He clenched his teeth and smashed his fists into his thighs. "Dude, did you even pass the first grade?" I ask. "I…..was…temporarily…delayed," he says in a voice of strained fury. "I guess that explains why you can't tell the dif between a boy and a girl!" I say really hitting home. "AHHHHHHHH!" he charges at me. Right when he's about to hit me I'm swept up into the air! I'm rising and falling with each switch of a vine. I turn my head to see the one and only Peeta in a Tarzan costume, his long blond beard trails behind us. "Hey it looks like I saved you huh?" said Peeta. "Um, no you didn't!" I say. "Yes I did! I saved you from the ram of a Cato!" he screams. "But can you save me from….This!" I pry open his arm and let myself fall. I land on a random horse's sattle. I hit the rains over and over again but the horse doesn't run! Then I look down and see that it really is only a random sattle on the ground. The only thing I can say is "Crap!" as a large, majestic, furry creature runs towards me!

I hide under a rock and start to suffocate so I came out. I feel the hot breath of a dog on my neck. I turn around and see Face of the Fox sitting there on her hind legs. "Uh, hey there little idiot fox," I say. She cocks her head to the side and sticks her tongue out of a creepy smile. She seems to like her name! I stand up and stare into her now black eyes. "What are you, Edward Cullen? First your eyes were green then gold and now black! What are you hungry or something?" I ask. She starts to drool. "I'll take that as a yes," I say. I start running again and climb up a tree. Peeta appears down below. "Hey, Katniss why are you in a tree?" asks Peeta. "1- Hiding from you, 2- tryingto escape Cujo over there!" I scream. "Cujo?" Peeta asks. All of the sudden Face of the Fox leaps out of the bushes and tackles Peeta with her Canine paws. "Oh, my! Oh this is dreadful!" cries Peeta. I decide that if I land on his head properly then I might be able to kill him instantly. I drop from the tree and hit something hard. I fall on the ground knowing that my foot is broken. I look over and see that Face of the Fox is on the ground in a furry slump. Peeta is strangely rolling on the ground. That's when I realize, 'Oh Crap! Wrong target!' "Peeta, will you stop rolling?" I scream really annoyed. "Dog…gonna…eat…my cheese curls!" he says in a daze. "Peeta, no one's going to eat your…cheese curls," I say. His head pops up, "You really think so?" "…..sure?" "Great, now let's get going!" he says. I throw a rock at his head and he passes out just as Face of the Fox's canon fires.

I've actually made it to the top 3…stupidity has never failed me so far! I decide that I can take Cato on but with Peeta around it will just get too gay. So I start pulling Peeta by the collar to the the open ground where the starting pods are. Maybe if I can re-wire the circuits I can blow him up! Remember I already used all of Rue's Hanukah bombs. I start the long and strenuous drag to the center of the arena. I'm about half way there when the ground begins to shake!

To Be Continued.

Alright, not my best chapter :/ I haven't had a lot of time to write at all so…sorry about that lol.

Thanx for reading! Gracias amigos! 


	24. Dont touch me

Hunger Games Parody Part 24…lol I can count!

They're back!

I instinctively do what any normal human would do in this situation. "Power Rangers Ninja Force go!" I scream. I press the little button engraved in my skin. I fly up into this weird retro world where strange nano-chips dress me in my super cool Power Ranger costume that I bought at the store _Nerdy and Happy! _I do a cool pose and land on the ground again. "Wooooow, the poop Ranger!"says Peeta. Indeed my costume is the mucky brown color of human waste. All of the sudden the ground stops rumbling. "Hey, what gives!" I shout. "Oh sorry, I had a lot of beans and well, they didn't sit well with me," says Peeta. I sniff the air, "Message received." I'm about to slice him with my ninja sword when I hear a high pitched "HUBLA!" I whirl around, "Peeta!" I scream. "It wasn't me I swear on Timmy's grave!" he shouts back. "HUBLA!" the sound rings once again! Peeta manages to regain his footing so I punch his arm and he falls down clutching his leg…..yea don't ask. I scan the horizon for the culprit of the sound. Just then Cato runs out of the forest straight towards us! I pick up Peeta and hold him in front of me as a shield. "Katniss, what are you doing?" he asks. "Taking out the trash," I say. "You have chores in the arena?" he asks. I clench my teeth and mutter, "Only a few more seconds and it will be gone." Cato is approaching fast and Peeta is slowly catching on, "Katniss, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were using me as a blocking utensil." "Yea, good thing I'd never do that," I said sarcastically.

Cato is right in front of us so I let go of Peeta and fling myself aside. Cato runs around Peeta and tramples over me. "YOU SASS PATTY!" I shout at him. But for some reason he keeps running straight for the still damaged Cornucopia! "What the wood cleaner is he doing?" asks Peeta. "….Wood cleaner?" "What, you thing he prefers marble?" he asks. I sigh and turn around looking for a sharp stick. That's when I see the cloud of dust heading our way! I push Peeta down and start running after Cato. "What's wrong my loveniss?" he asks. "Just stay there ok?" I shout behind me. Peeta sees the clowd to and is now rushing towards the Cornucopia too. I hear a British boy screaming and then fall silent. Peeta appears on a broom stick next to me in mid air. "Katniss hop on!" he says extending his hand. "Where'd you get that?" I ask. "Hogwarts is here on a field trip," he says. I nod in recognition. "So you coming or not?" he asks. I turn my head around and see the stampede of who knows what growing ever closer. I do the unthinkable and climb on the broom stick.

"Hold onto my waist!" says Peeta. "Ok, now you're pushing it," I say. I simply clasp the wood in front of me. We land on the Cornucopia in a heap and await the arrival of our foe, not that Peeta isn't one already. He climbs up on the opposite end and rolls about in his fat boy asthmatic way. I look over the edge and can now see exactly what is headed toward us. They're people, people I do not recall yet are so familiar! I focus on one smallish boy with brown eyes, hair, and tan skin….Rue. There's a girl that resembles Marvel, a boy that looks like Face of the Fox, and a tall girl that is a spitting image of Thresh. They've turned them into Transgenders! There's one running towards me that I identify as Clove the man lady because she's exactly the same…at least that makes sense. "Ooooooo, they're attractive!" says Peeta. "Has anyone ever told you that you're not normal?" I shout. "My mom…every day," he says smiling. I shake my head and turn to face Cato who is regaining his feet. I could finish him but that would mean Peeta's survival. But if I don't I could die. I decide that death is the only alternative. I jump off the Cornucopia and hit the ground. I raise my head and realize that the Cornucopia is only 5 ft off the ground. I let the mob engulf me. I wait about fifteen minutes and realize nothing's happening. I open my eyes and look up at the confused he-she's around me. "Well, what are you waiting for?" I ask. They look at each other frustrated. "No one wants to touch you," says the man version of the retard from 8. "So you're just not gonna kill me?" I verify. "That's correct," says man lady. I get up kind of embarrassed. "Well, ok," I say and walk back on top of the Cornucopia. When I get there I realize Cato has Peeta in a head lock. "Help Katniss please!" he cries. "Ok, Cato you keep him steady and I'll stab him!" I say. "Well, this isn't what I expected. Aren't you guys together?" asked Cato. "Go ahead tell him Katniss!" says Peeta in an Indian accent that is totally irrelevant. I stare at Peeta then at Cato. "Ahhhhhhh!" I scream and push them both off the Cornucopia. I look over the edge just as Cato is swarmed by the freaks! But where's Peeta? He's dangling from the side holding on as if his life depends on it…..oh wait it does.

"Katniss, porvavor ayude mi!" he screams. "I don't speak Spanish!" I reply. "Aidez-moi s'il vous plait?" he asks. "You idiot, I don't speak French either!" I say seriously trying to figure out who dropped him when he was a baby. "제발 도와주세요," he asks. "What is that Korean?" I blubber. "I bet you didn't know I was bilingual!" he says batting his eyes up at me. "I knew you spoke stupid!" I say. "…..You do care….," he says in a hushed tone. He scampers back on top and sits Native American style. "Do you have problems?" I ask. "Mama always told me that life's like a box of spiders, you never know which one's gonna bight you and cause internal bleeding," he replies. "Well that's great Peeta," I say. He spends the rest of the night in a curled up ball. But the thing is he's screaming, and not just a quick shriek. He belted out a scream that he hasn't stopped for 4 hours! Not even to take a breath, just one very long, obnoxious scream for the past 4 hours. "My gosh will you mutts hurry up and kill Cato already? He might win this thing yet if Peeta keeps it up!" I scream. I look over the railing and am shocked at what I see! To Be Continued!

OK hope that chapter was good and maybe if you're good I will make a sequal parody of cathing fire and maybe even Mocking Jay! Luv ya!


	25. Who let the Katniss out

Hunger Games Part 25!

I accidently deleted all of my writing for this chapter so here it is again!

I look down over the edge of the cornucopia where transgender bodies litter the ground. I hop down and walk over to the boy Rue and kneel down next to it. I snap my fingers in front of its face a few times to make sure that he's dead. All of the sudden he grasps my wrist, "He's…soooo…..annoying!" I know instantly who she's talking about, Peeta. I pull out my machine gun and shoot it repeatedly in the face. "Please," a voice says, "end my misery!" I walk over to Cato who is on the ground completely untouched. "What are you talking about? You're fine!" I say. "The beast's scream has doomed me my love," he says. Why does it seem that only the sociopaths go for me? "Please, end it quick!" he begs. "Do you know me at all?" I scream. I bludgeon him to death with my fist laughing my head off! His cannon fires. I haven't been able to bludgeon someone in weeks!

"Ok, someone better get me out of this arena before he finds a knife buried in his face!" I scream at the Game Makers. I hear the strange sound of knock-off designer shoes, the gangling of chunky jewelry, and the smell of cheap perfume. I turn around and see the cast of Jersey Shore coming towards me. "What are you freaks doing here?" I ask. "We here ta make sha u gots da news!" says Snookie. "What, the news that too much tanning is illegal?" I ask. "No dats was last week! We gots a little Situation!" she says. "There's a new rule, only one of ya's can win," says the Situation. Peeta falls off the Cornucopia, "What do you mean?" he asks. "I mean what I said you's gots a prob wid dat?" yells Snookie. "Actually no I don't," I say. "Well, I guess we'll be on our's way," says Paulie D. "I have a better Idea!" I say. I walk up and pour gasoline all over them. I light a match and toss that in too. They go up like fire works on New Years! "Katniss, you fiend!" cries Peeta. "What, Jersey Shore burns twice as fast as Jerseylicious," I say.

Peeta throws a knife down, "I can't kill you Katniss!" "Good, then this should be easy," I say sharpening an ax. "No, I'll do it myself," he says taking it. "WAIT! I need some popcorn!" I say. "Trust me this won't be much…plus you don't need the carbs," "…Hey!" He takes the ax and holds it above his head. He chops down hard on my left arm which flies off! "What the fart monkeys! I thought you were going to kill yourself!" I shout. "I was, I guess I don't have very good aim." I jump on him and start beating him with my severed arm. "Stopppppp!" yells the Speaker's voice. "At this rate you'll both die! We've decided to make you both victors!" says Claudius Templesmith. A helicopter lands and an emergency team runs out and carries me and my appendage away. I try hitting them with my arm stump but it's no use! Haymitch is there, "Hey kid great jo-Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" I bight his face off! Men in black try and inject me with something but manage to break off the tip of the needle with my mouth and spit it into one of their eyes! "This chick is insane!" screams a paramedic. I kick him in the nuts and he falls to the ground where he's trampled. They finally get me into the copter where I'm strapped to a bed. I can do nothing when they tazer me unconscious.

I wake up in a weird hospital room where a bunch of little orange men are working on me. My arm is now back but I have a really bad head ache. "What happened?" I ask. "Well, one of our new associates sowed your arm to your head. But don't worry, he was shot out back," says one little midget to me. "Oh," I say feeling a bit better. I notice that all my scratches are disappearing! Even the ones where Prim stabbed me, and my Jerry Springer tattoo

A strange blue man walks in the room, "Hello Katniss, I'm Annic!" he says. "That's Cinna spelled backwards!" I say. "Yea, you're such a smart cookie!" he says. I start gnawing on my arm. "NOT LITERRALLY! MY GOSH!" he shouts. I put my arm down. I point at him, "I'm gonna kill you when they unchain me," I say in a four year old voice. "I know…my brother signed me up for this," he says. "Does your brother hate you?" I ask. "Yes." "So why are you here?" I ask moving my head from one shoulder to the other. "Are you alright?" he asks. "Yea it's just the medicine, don't worry I'm used to it," I say smiling. "Well, I'm here because I'm your new," he gulps, "designer." I cough up an organ. "My goodness, should I get a doctor?" he asks. "Na, it's not mine," I say. He doesn't respond. "Why do I need a designer? And why are you such a butt head?" I ask. "You need a designer because you and Peeta will be crowned Victor today. And um, I don't feel comfortable answering the other question," he says. Suddenly the bars on my bed unlatch. I look up at Annic. "Now Katniss I know what you're thinking but," he sprints for the door. I'm already there when he reaches the handle. "Any last words?" I ask. "I hate my brother!" he yells. I chuck him out the window.

There's screaming from below when Annic hits the ground. I stand on the window sill. The people go silent when they see me and I wonder why. I look down and see that I'm wearing only a sheet, "What, Miley Cyrus did it?" I scream. Then I jump off the thirty story building and start a steady dive to the ground! I do a few flips and then hit the concrete. "She's dead!" someone cries. All of the sudden the puddle of Katniss came back into human form that is myself, "Did I mention I can regenerate?" They all shake their heads no. Then I start spinning really fast in a circle with my arms spread out slapping whoever is around. I feel a sharp pain in my leg and I pass out. To Be Continued!


	26. The beginning of the End

Hunger Games Chapter 26!

Last chapter guys but don't worry because the Catching Fire Parody is coming soon!

**Ok, so a few reviews said the last two chapters weren't as funny….but don't worry because I totally agree! To be honest I was kind of in a writer's block. And yes Katniss did become more "normal" but don't worry, I made sure her violence is restored….so enjoy this last chapter **

I'm getting really sick of people knocking me out with my permission! I mean how hard would it be to say, "Hey Katniss, do you mind if I jab this gently used needle into your appendage?" I mean I'm always up for new experiences! …It's because I'm white isn't it! Never mind, so yea I'm now on my couch in my room in the Training center # 2. If you've forgotten I shattered the first one with a shoe I'm not wearing anything so I check my closet for clothes, none. I check the bathroom for some toilet paper to wrap myself in but yet again nothing! There are no curtains, sheets, or substances that I could make into clothing. I see a note on the wooden table as usual. It reads, "_Katniss, do not be alarmed by your current nudity! Your costume will be delivered to your room ASAP-Effie_." I stare at it, "ASAP, Attack Something Aggravatingly Plump?" That's how I translate it. As soon as Octavia walks in I punch her in the face! "Hey, what was that for?" she asks surprised. "The letter said ASAP," I explain. "That means As Soon As Possible!" she corrects. I punch her again. "Hey!" she screams. "You said to punch you as soon as possible," I say calmly. "Is there something wrong with you?" she asks me. "Hey, I'll be the one to ask the questions!" I say, "What's in the bag?" I ask. "Your costume, the theme is twelve year old," she says.

I pull on the strange pink dress that ties at the back and goes down to my knees. There's words on it that say Hannah Montana FOREVER! There's also a really ugly picture of Hannah Montana on it. "What's the point of this?" I ask. "Do you like it? I picked it out myself!" cries Octavia. I send a karate chop at her throat and her death is mercifully quick. I check her plump figure for anything I can use to "Katniss-ify" my outfit. Of course I find some cheeseburgers and French fries and two milk shakes and a thirty piece chicken nugget meal. Also I find a random black sharpie marker in her ear. "Oh yea, I jabbed that in there before the Games," I say to myself. I take my dress off and lay it on the ground. "Hmmmmm" I color my dress black, tear off the ten inch sleeves and rip it everywhere. Then I take a red sharpie and write Your Mom all over it. I scribble a moustache on my face and black circles around my eyes. Then I pull out my handy dandy insta-pumps and put them on my feet. I look in the mirror, "Dude, dude! I look like Lady Gaga!" I run down to the elevator where Peeta is too. He's wearing the same Hannah Montana dress except his isn't awesome like mine! His blond hair is brushed back by a pink flower head band and I'm pretty sure there's blush on his cheeks. "So, you like?" he says striking a similar pose to his Justin Beiber attempt. "I'm just glad the true you is coming out," I say rolling me eyes. I look down at his leg which is now a medal imposter. "What happened to your leg?" I ask. He looks down too, "I don't know!"

We get in the elevator and Peeta rocks out to the cheesy music that plays from its speakers. "I just love noon time jazz," he says. We arrive back stage where everyone is hustling and bustling. Haymitch walks up to us. His face is somewhat tighter and his lips stretch like a monkey. He avoids making eye contact with me. "Hey Haymitch," I say. He slightly looks up. "Your face was delicious!" I scream. A tear manages to escape his eye. "Listen you kids, the Capitol is mad!" he says. "Why?"

"Apparently beating someone with a severed arm is illegal here," he says.

"Oh, so what?" I ask.

"The Capitol's not happy and they want you dead!" says Haymitch.

"Tell them to get in line," I say dismissively.

We head up to the stage where we sit in front of a huge, apprehensive crowd. I make a "bring it" gesture and they all cringe. I sit on a plush love seat and Peeta sits next to me. I push him off. President Snow walks out and gives us each a ribbon that says, "Congrats you crazy cats!" We look at him. "What? we're on a low budget!" he says. Everyone falls silent as the Games are replayed on the screen. First they show the blood bath which I secretly record for later. Peeta is off rocking in the corner screaming. They show me eat the girl from 7 and I laugh really hard. They show me stab the tree and his little acorns morning. They show me make fun of man Lady. They show me and Rue's alliance which I smile at because I know she'd be happy that the screen is about to blow up..10..They show the boy from 3 blow up..9..They show Rue get shot with a blow gun..8..They show me kill Higgenbottum..7..Peeta's JB outfit..6..I find Timmy..5..Thresh mutilates Man Lady (HAHA)..4..Timmy disappears..3.. Fox Face dies..2..Trannys..1..Severed arm. BOOOOMMMM! The screen goes up in flames! It takes out half of the audience with it. Fire Fighters quickly extinguish the flames.

"Can someone just send her home already!" an audience member screams. President Snow nods and just like that….I'm going home….Oh Crap!

The End!


End file.
